Being a working Mom with a stay at home Dad

Hi y’all!

 Today I wanted to take a moment to shed light on something that is very personable to me and my family. I gave birth to my first child January 8,2018, Oliver is the missing piece of my soul. With that being said I returned to work February 2,2018. When I returned to work I got a lot of comments about my choices and I feel the need to give this topic its time in the spotlight.

I was blessed with a husband who treats me with respect and loves me and all my flaws. When we found out I was with child we already knew that I would be the working parent and my husband would stay home to care for our child. I have been a manager since I was 16, I have held down at least 2 jobs at all times. My husband went to the Navy out of high school and has since only worked for a few months at a time. We felt lucky that at least one of us got to be at home with our newborn as we know this is not the reality for most new parents. Only 4.6% of families have a stay at home parent. It wasn’t until after I gave birth during my three week leave that the comments from friends and family started coming in. The reverse roles that my husband and I have are not common in the southern Idaho area. My old school, small community ridiculed me. Some of the most common statements were:

You should be at home with your baby while your husband makes the money

He isn’t a real man if he stays home

Your going to miss everything and resent your husband

You must wear the pants in your relationship

Does your husband breastfeed too

Your baby isn’t even going to know who you are

We also got a lot of comments about how we must live off the state and how nice it would be to do nothing all day and still be able to eat. Keep in mind when I gave birth we lived in an RV park.

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I had no idea how truly judgmental people are when you become a parent. Everything you do is judged. I co-sleep, that was a whole bag of worms. I only breastfeed, this was the saddest judgement for me because I have never been in a place and felt completely comfortable. Do not get me wrong I feed my baby anywhere he gets hungry but I hear people passing by and the eyes on me. The first few weeks of having our first child should be the happiest of our lives, and as much joy as our bundle gave us the embarrassment that was forced upon us really took its toll.

Most of the negative comments that came my way all surrounded the idea that somehow I wouldn’t be a good mother, or that I wouldn’t know how to treat my baby because I wasn’t home all the time.When the comments started I could see the effect it had on my husband. The shame he felt staying home broke my heart. The mentality that he wasn’t a man because I worked or that he was some how less because he was the main caregiver of our son. These ideas to me are so OUTDATED! This is 2018, it is not financially responsible for both parents to take any time off, much less 6 full weeks when you don’t have paid maternity leave. Also if one spouse is able to make more money based off skills and resumes then by all means that should be the party that works.

I just want to say this to any couple going into a situation like my own. Do not listen to anyone other than your partner. Yes advice is nice when wanted but it can also be damning when it isn’t welcome. Be the voice for your partner if you hear other pulling them down and judging them. Only those in the home should have a say on how it is run. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we have never followed the path of life that others take. I will never be common, including myself as a mom. No matter how much time I get to spend with my baby I will always want more. My family is my whole world, my son is my best friend and together we have a blast.

If I would have listened to all the comments, my husband would have gone to a dead end job and made minimum wage. We would have had a lot more negativity to deal with, so remember you can NOT make everyone happy so just start with yourself and see what happens.

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Xoxo, Ellie Shots

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6 thoughts on “Being a working Mom with a stay at home Dad

  1. That inner ancient knowledge that WE are all part of the village that is responsible for OUR children shows up through the comments (sort of)– that they have the right to their opinion about how to raise the child, but what is missing is their lack of the actual demonstration of taking on the responsibility to that child by the society and the individuals who are making the comments. So you could say to them, that you hear their desire to be helpful in their comments and that this (fill in the blank) would be the way they actually could be helpful (fully recognizing that they should be helpful). Other countries give both parents time off/paid leave.

    If the society can take our young people in their teens (to fight wars, etc.), they actually owe the parents and child A LOT MORE!

    So I say, both of you listen to your own inner drummers and march on . . . People are waking up slowly . . .

    Many blessings to you both!!

    Aen

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I will always feel your words as i read them. Ive played single mom working mom sahm and i have to say only you will know whats best for baby.

    i love you both!
    bright blessings

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  3. Only you and your spouse knows what’s right for your family. Not everyone is the same. Society dont care who works and who stays home with the parent. All that matters is the child is being taken care of by both his parents. And if you guys choose the ways you guys are going then that’s between you and your spouse. To me people that judge have something in their life that they dont agree with. And instead of changing it or changing how it’s being done they turn to judging others that are happy. Ellie I am happy for your little family. Continue living life for you guys.

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